Care to Care: Wrap up
Watch the corresponding Care to Care episode here.
I finished chemo on May 23! As this part of my cancer journey has come to an end, Dr. Jackie and I reflected on the Care to Care series and felt that we were at a natural pause point.
Over the past months, we’ve discussed a range of topics, including competing priorities, the “How are you?” question, trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy while being realistic about limitations, grief, problem solving and “the righting reflex,” and the “What should I DO with you?” question. We’ve explored these topics from the perspectives of care-recipient, caregiver support experts, and caregivers in my own life. We hope that these conversations have shed some light on the complex emotions and challenges that emerge in the care-recipient/caregiver dynamic.
I am now embarking on the second half of my active treatment. I underwent another surgery last week and will begin radiation in August. In addition, I will begin long-term endocrine treatment in the next few weeks as a maintenance therapy. This journey is long and winding and I know there will be many challenges and bumps along the way. I also know there can be joy, meaning, and togetherness. That’s life, right? There are two sides to every coin.
Between chemo and surgery I tried to find balance between enjoying time after chemo, feeling like I needed to squeeze stuff in between chemo and surgery, and worrying about the future. It’s not an easy balance to strike and I absolutely have to work at it each day, each moment. Juggling multiple roles, whatever those roles may look like, usually requires willingness to embrace uncertainty.
For many caregivers, caregiving is a full-time role and yet it is not exclusive. As I’ve been juggling multiple roles this year– including care-recipient–one of the hardest skills for me has been learning to receive help. Although asking for help is something we teach even our youngest children to do, it is deceptively difficult. Many of us, myself included, need practice asking for help. In yoga, there is the concept “ahimsa” or nonviolence to self and others. Asking for help – not pushing ourselves over our limits– is an expression of self-love and compassion. For me, I’ve noticed that asking for help in the context of physical limitations, like when I can’t lift after surgery, can be uncomfortable but the consequences of not asking are immediate and painful. Those immediate consequences– searing pain in my chest– are sufficient motivation to ask for assistance. However, in the face of emotional or psychological challenges asking for help can feel even harder because the consequences are more gradual. Just as painful in the end (maybe even moreso), but less immediate. It will take practice to learn how to do this effectively.
In these upcoming months, as my journey continues, me and my caregivers continue to strive to set ourselves up for optimal support. We have learned and continue to learn to navigate the support system we have, supplement support where needed, and optimize our resources so that our unit can run smoothly. Of course, we can’t plan for every situation that will arise. The best we can do is plan to be flexible.
So with that, I’d like to thank everyone who has read, watched, and followed along with us in this series. As I wrote at the start, our hope in creating this series was to explore real-life experiences from my own journey as a care-recipient to glean insights and ideas that may help caregivers on their journeys as well. I'm also filled with a deep sense of gratitude for the opportunity to share my experiences as a care-recipient. This experience is shaping me in ways that are still unfolding. My hope is that our paths will one day cross and, in the meantime, you know that we are here with you. Here's to continuing our collective journey towards more compassionate and empowering caregiving experiences.